Don't tell my hubby!

This post is secretly dedicated to my hubby. (Ooh la la!)

Since he doesn't get on facebook (and since I have banned him from the blog for six weeks), this will be safe with you, right?

So, many of you know that the past few years (since my hubby and I uprooted our family and moved to South Carolina and smack-dab in the middle of turmoil), we've had a really rough time.
We were hanging on, you know. But, you can only do that for so long. And you can only layer so many things before there is no more room to push them down.

That was me. I had so many layers: my sister's untimely death; bad relationships with men; pain from the past. I mean, I could go on and on and on--just as the layers did. I got to a point where I couldn't quite figure out how to remove the layers and so, instead, I numbed myself. I didn't want to feel them. They were too heavy and I was too fragile.

If I couldn't remove them, I certainly did not want to feel them. And so, I reached out for whatever was around me ... and those things, while a good temporary anesthetic, actually created additional layers.

Today, I find myself finally chipping away at the layers. God is revealing something so beautiful beneath the build-up of the many different layers. But, this time it's different, because I am feeling it. And it hurts and I hate it at times and I've cried more than I have in a long time. Just because I feel it.

I feel her gone, but with a clarity I didn't really have before. I feel the pain that I have caused in my own marriage. And I feel the bitterness and anger that I have allowed to build up in my life during the past few years. But, that pain is also somewhat peaceful. Because I know it is a cleansing, healing, powerful pain.

Pain can be powerful.

So, I said all of that to say this: I have decided to renew my vows with my husband. But, here is the crazy part: he knows nothing about it. It's going to be a surprise. Yes, as in he is going to walk in and bam: let the renewal of the vows begin.

I honestly have no idea how he's going to react. He might run, lol. He might cry; He might blush. Okay, he won't do that because you know, he's a little too dark for that, heh.

But, I am determined to start over; and to do it right. I am determined to fight for what is mine; for this amazing gift that God has laid before me. But, you know, I am also determined to make it really complicated, because that is what I do.

So, can you help?

I don't know what the heck I am doing. I'll actually incorporate any ideas I get into this ceremony, which is going to turn into a dream date. After the ceremony, I am going to whisk him away. I don't have the details ironed out in my head yet. But, I have about six weeks to make it all happen.

Again: Me=complicated.

But, what is a dream date for a man? How can I make this special for him? Any suggestions? At all? Any suggestions for the renewal of the vows ceremony? Come on, give me something to work with.

I know there are, like, 11 people who read this blog. Heh. I like to amuse myself with that number. For those of you who don't know, I once had about 500 followers on my old blog. Yeah, those were good times.